Have you ever felt like you just weren’t on the same page as your loved one? Perhaps for some of you it’s the same planet. You may be wondering how could you love someone so much yet at times they drive you absolutely in sane? Possibly it is because you don’t speak the same language when it comes to love. It’s like trying to have an in depth conversation with someone that speaks a foreign language. Often, in this instance, we have to resort to gestures in an attempt to make our point known.
Unfortunately, this also occurs frequently in our relationships and marriages; however, the gestures we usually choose aren’t as successful at getting the intended point across.
Dr. Gary Chapman has written a magnificent book call “The Five Love Languages” that has helped many couples decode the mystery of communication inside a relationship. In the book he describes five types of love languages. Each of us has a language that we understand when it comes to love. If your language and your partner’s language are different, it can make for less than blissful times. According to Dr. Chapman, research reveals that married people have overall better emotional and physical health, live longer lives, experience greater sexual satisfaction, have greater incomes, and consequently more accumulated wealth. I’m not sure there is a person on the planet that would say they couldn’t handle greatness in any of these areas of their life. So how do you work to achieve such harmony?
During his 30 years of marriage counseling, Dr. Chapman has discovered five languages for love. Each language is representative of how you give and therefore, receive love. They are:
1.Words of Affirmation
2.Quality Time
3.Receiving Gifts
4.Acts of Service
5.Physical Touch
The goal is to identify and understand your love language as well as your partners. The idea isn’t to change who you are or your love language but to obtain understanding for the purposes of communication. For example, let’s say your love language is acts of service. In order to show your partner how much you truly love him you cook him special meals, take his car in to be washed, and ensure his laundry is done and pressed the way he likes it. These seem like simple required chores but you do them with joy because they are an expression of your love for him. Now let’s look at him.
His love language is a combination of physical touch and quality time. He always wants to spend time together cuddling on the couch, holding hands, sitting and talking (sounds like an ideal man, huh?). However, these things are enjoyable to you but not if they interfere with your ability to provide him with service oriented love messages. You are trying to finish preparing him a wonderful dinner and he keeps coming in the kitchen hugging on you. You are frustrated because he is in your way and he is frustrated because he feels you are pushing him away. This is perhaps not a typical example; however, it gives you an idea of how differences in love languages can interfere with your relationship.
So what is the solution? Find out what each of your love languages are and understand what that means to the other person. Then make an effort to acknowledge your partner’s love language by making a deliberate attempt to express love to him in his language. This is something you can start today and it can have immediate impact on your relationship for life. To find our your love language and more in-depth information, you can visit Dr. Chapman’s web site at www.fivelovelanguages.com .
Now that you are on your way to better communication, prepare for all those things married people enjoy more often to start coming your way. True intimacy in every aspect of your life is a wonderful thing!
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